Nien Nunb: The Story of Greatness
by x4l
Summary: Few people remember Nien Nunb, the alien copilot of the Millennium Falcon who single handedly saved the Rebellion with his quick thinking. This story commemorates his greatness, and tragic fall to the dark side of the force.


I have no writing ability. Star Wars is not owned by me, but heh, if it were I'd have done a few things differently. The prequels would be buried somewhere where no one could find them. Episode VI would be 8 minutes long, and Episode IV and V would be one movie. Following the success of my improvements, I'd make Episode VII; the Legacy of Nien Nunb:

A long long time ago  
In a galaxy far away…  
WAR… There are heroes on both sides, and a lone Sullustan, Nien Nunb, stands against the might of an empire. With writing tactics that are reminiscent of the author's marysuesque stories from her/his early teenage years, Nien Nunb becomes a Jedi Knight in episode XI, sets the record as the oldest person to be accepted for training, actually succeeds in lifting his X-Wing out of the swamp, listens to Yoda, and doesn't go flying away to face his father. Also, he makes the jump in the matrix on the first try.

Anyway you don't care. This is the story of Nien Nunb, the under apperceived hero of the Battle of Endor.

The small fighter crafts flew around the capital ships of the Rebellion. "Admiral, we're in position, all fighters accounted" said Lando Calrissian" as he piloted the Millennium falcon with his friend Nien Nunb. Nien didn't really know if Lando was his friend, he just assumed that Lando has some connection to him because Lando was, after all, the only one who seemed to understand what he's saying. Admiral Ackbar replied with "All groups assume attack coordinates." Hearing the Admiral's voice made Nien Nunb reflect on how strange it was that the entire rebellion was lead by a race of fish, or whales… what were they, something Calamari? Yeah, that's what they were! Nien thought back to the time he was on some hole of a planet, seated in the shadiest of restaurants staffed by what must have been the biggest Italian stereotype of an alien race, sorry, he thought: Toydarians. Worst experience ever, lamented Nien: when waved his hand for a check, he was assaulted by 50 flying bug-like things screaming "what are you some kind of Jedi? Mind tricks don't work on us!" Nien's lack of proper service resulted in his fried calamari on the house, which, oh shi.. yeah, he ate some of Ackbar's brothers. Oh well, they tasted good.

Nien snapped out of his memory rather fast with a second realization, the kind of realization that everyone from the first two movies was a general, or a commander, even his co-pilot, Lando. Didn't Lando betray the Rebellion and turn in his other friend? Han Solo? Oh great, thought Nien, I'm going to end up getting backstabbed. Who's Han Solo anyway? Didn't the rebels free him from that slug on Tattooine; the slug that did nothing but sit around admiring his carbonite frozen Han Solo, and hide behind curtains with his alien friends, opening them at the right moment to capture Princess Leia? That Han Solo? That was the commander on Endor's moon, working on the shield generator? Yeah, okay, that's going to work. He vented this frustration to Lando; the only character in the series who cared what he thought.

"Don't worry, my friends down there.." said Lando Calrissian. Oh, thanks for the reassurance Lando, thought Nien, I'm glad that Solo and his 12 scouts were on some planet staffed by Imperials. Oh, he forgot those droids. R23PO? Yeah, they'd do a lot. Well, they would if this were written 20 years ago, by a much older George Lucas. The little astromech droid did have a heroic past of murdering in the thousands with his innumerable droid utilities that seemed to vanish by the time this story is taking place. Those poor Nubians who took him on, how tragic was their fate. Thousands of soldiers rushed at the droid, only to find that not only was he force sensitive, but underneath his small frame lurked a solaranite bomb, with the power of the SUN.

"Or this will be the shortest offensive of all time," said Lando, under his breath. 'What was that Lando? You have doubts too? I'm right, as usual.'

"All craft to jump into hyperspace on my mark," said the Admiral. Lando replied with something along the lines of "alright, stand by" and pushed the Falcon into hyperspace. 'That's funny, the Admiral never gave an order,' thought Nien. Before he could finish that line of thinking, the ominous sight of the Death Star was in his view, proving once more that hyperspace violates physics; and intergalactic travel is instantaneous. Now that he saw it, the second Death Star didn't really seem that ominous, considering an exhaust port and a lucky shot was all it took to wipe out near a million imperials the first time. Why didn't the Imperials ever improve their design? Star Forge much? 'Nah,' thought Nien, 'why improve perfection when you can just recycle design, Microsoft does that all the time.' Who even cared about the Death Star? As long as it needed the shield, it's not like it could move from Endor.

"All rings report in" ordered Lando. What followed was an unnecessary, yet full on adrenaline rush of "Red-3 standing by, Blue 7 standing by, Silver, Green, and Aquamarine (sorry Emma Roberts)" 2 hours later, the rebels were so busy reporting in that they crashed into the Death Star's shield, which was still up.

More on that:

Nien Nunb thought how strange it was that Lando Calrissian had concluded the roll call with "gold leader standing by." As far as he, and anyone knew, the Millennium Falcon was the only member of the "gold" team. Whatever, thought Nien, there's the death star, and more important things are there for me to worry about. Maybe I'll ask Lando about this in some bar on Coruscant while he's wolfing down bottle after bottle of Corelian ale, lamenting the failure of the attack and the loss of his 'friend,' who was murdered after walking into 5000 storm troopers and an ATST with his laser pistol and some teddy bears with sticks, while trying to disarm the shield for the rebels.

"What's this?" said Nien as the console flashed a warning, "there's no reading on the shield!"  
"You gotta be able to get some reading on that shield, up or down!"

Well, Lando, there isn't a reading, now is there? I wouldn't have said that if there were. So what was the problem? Nien had studied the history of the first Death Star run, and he realized right when you thought everything was quiet, you'd get two turbolasers to the back of your ship and a shower of sparks as you crashed, shot down by Lord Vader himself.

"No, that makes sense! They're jamming us!" said Nien, and with this single observation, he saved hundreds of lives from certain destruction in the form of a fully-armed, and operational battlestation. Kind of.  
What? "This is madness!" shouted Lando in disbelief.

MADNESS? NO!  
THIS.  
IS.  
DENOUEMENT!" yelled Nunb as kicked Lando Calrissian through the window of the Falcon and into the cold, dark, void that was space. Nien snapped out of his fantasy:

"How could they be jamming us, if they don't know that we're coming?" And then the obvious "you've been had" hit Lando in the face like the feeling Nien got after watching Episode III for the third time and realizing Darth Sidious channels a cackling moron for the entire duration of the film and Anakin lost because he didn't have the 'high ground.'

"Break off the attack, the shield is still up!" shouted Lando, and the fleet of the rebellion pulled away from their course of attack.

I'm probably never going to write any more of this, but if I do: Chapter 2: The Battle of Endor, and Nien's betrayal to the dark side. I fully expect to be banned upon immediate submission of this story. Please keep that in mind with your reviews.


End file.
